


And In Death, I'm Free

by MutantofTime



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2017-12-28 19:24:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MutantofTime/pseuds/MutantofTime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Things can get so lonely, especially when you're trapped within the depths of your own broken body." </p><p>Karkat's been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, and makes the mistake of becoming too close with those he loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Stop me now if you've seen anything quite like this before.
> 
> I'll update the description and rating and all that stuff as time goes on, as well as put triggers or whatever in the chapters to avoid spoilers as they pop up, if any.
> 
> I feel like I should dedicate this to someone. If I did, it'd probably be to my moirail. She's seriously the best damn moirail there ever was.
> 
> Disclaimer:I don't own Homestuck or the characters, just this plot and writing and such. (Actually, some plot credit goes to my moirail, for she helped me develop it into what it is now.)

You're in the ER for what seemed like the billionth time this year. You don't know why you were getting so sick. In your past couple of visits, a lot of tests were done. They sent you home and told you to come back if your symptoms worsened, or if they called you about the test results. It turns out this time that it would be both. You didn't listen at first when your dad and the doctors talked. It was always stupid boring medical terms and treatment discussion.

"We've been theorizing that because he's been getting sick-"

You zoned out again, fiddling with your hands and trying to ignore your brother, Kankri, who was talking your head off.

"His repeated illnesses-"

"Weakened immune system-"

You catch bits and pieces of what the doctors say, figuring it just  _had_  to be more interesting than what Kankri had to say.

"Tests have shown that-"

Wait. More medical stuff. How about no.

"We've come to a conclusion on his diagnoses."

Did they finally get an answer to all your problems?

"Multiple Myeloma."

You were eleven years old, yeah, but that didn't mean you were stupid. You knew what the doctors were saying, you knew what they meant.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you've just been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma blood cancer. Apparently it's really rare in children, but you seem to be the exception. You're always the exception, what with your albino white haired, red-eyed mutation. Your eyes aren't completely red, more of a reddish brown, but it's still there.

Your father is in tears, which is quite rare for him. You watch him from your seat on the examination table. Kankri sits next to him mutely, a rare state. It sort of unnerves you, but you know this is serious.

"But listen, sir. With the right treatment, he can get better. He can get a bone marrow transplant too, if you so choose, which can definitely speed his recovery, if not pretty much cure him if done correctly. After all, it hasn't spread much. He has high chances of survival," the doctor tells your dad.

You glare at him. You sure don't feel like surviving. As if to proof this, you cough hard, a little blood coming up. This is caused by the pneumonia you've had for the third time this year, your immune system having been quite weakened by your apparent cancer. You didn't want to have this, you were just a kid, you just wanted to get better so you could play with your friends again.

"We can set up a treatment plan, put him in chemotherapy, there's so many options!" the doctor continues to tell your dad, trying to reassure him. You make eye contact with your brother. He looks sad. Maybe even sadder than you.

"I've already lost my wife to cancer, and now I have to lose my son too?!" your dad exclaims. The mention of your mother burns. She died of breast cancer when you were 6. Cancer was stupid. You hated Cancer. You hated yourself.

"Sir, please calm down. I know this is upsetting, but we're catching it in the early stages. He can get better."

Your dad just shakes his head. You don't want to remember this night.

* * *

You're silent as they wheel you into a hospital room. They had insisted you sit in a wheelchair. It was stupid. The nurses tell you that everything is going to be okay, but you know that those are just lies. You want to tell them to buzz off as they talk to you in overly cheerful voices, as if you were a two year old. You glare daggers at everyone.

So apparently you're going to be living in this room for a while. Weeks, months, years? Who knows. Not like you care. To be honest, it was good to be away from home, even if that meant you were in a hospital.

As they help you into your bed and attach IVs and such to you, you can't help but notice that there's a curtain in the middle of the room. Perhaps separating you from another patient? Do you have to share this room? It doesn't matter to you, as long as they mind their own business.

The nurses finally finish fiddling around with you, and leave you alone with your dad and whoever was behind that curtain. Your dad takes your hand and kisses your forehead. You sort of swat him away.

"I'll be fine, dad. I can get over this. I'm strong," you grumble. Your father nods, wiping a few tears.

"I'll come by to visit after work, I promise," he tells you. He works as a preacher at the church a few blocks down from your house, and as a teacher when he's not preaching. You nod at him.

"Alright dad. See you then."

He gives your forehead one last kiss before exiting the room, closing the door behind him. About half a minute goes by when suddenly the curtain is flung to the side. You jump, startled, and turn towards the culprit. It's a girl who looks about your age.

"Hello,  _Karkat_!" she greets you, obviously having been listening to your conversation with your dad. "My name is Terezi!" You look her up and down. She looks about medium height for your age group, with you on the shorter side. She has bright reddish-orange hair, or what one might refer to as ginger. She's grinning down at you with a mouth full of gleaming white teeth that may or may not be in need of braces, and she has bright red frames perched on her face, sliding down to reveal dull, sightless blue eyes.

You glare at her. "Yeah, hey. What do you want?"

Normally people would be completely turned off by your more negative attitude, but she sure isn't. If anything, it seems to encourage her.

"I think if we're going to be staying here together, we should get to know each other! What are you here for?" Terezi asks. You growl, because she acts as if it's nothing, as if it isn't serious.

"Why is it any of your fricking business?"

"Well, it's not really. I'm just curious!" she presses on. "I'm here because I have Epithelioid-Celled Intraocular Melanoma," she states perfectly, seemingly having recited the term over and over before. You stare at her in silence, having no idea what that even is. She senses this, obviously.

"It's eye cancer, dummy," Terezi tells you. Her voice kinda falters as she speaks next. "I'm blind because of it..but that's okay! Because my other senses are totally hyped now, so I can pretty much smell and taste my way around!" she gives you a grin that makes you shiver and fill with dread.

"Well you'd better not lick me."

"Whatever, I won't lick you, grumpbutt. So are you going to tell me what you have or not?" she asks you, stepping forward and sniffing you since you won't let her lick you. "Cherries," you hear her say.

"Myeloma," you mumble quietly.

"What was that?" Terezi asks, and you know she's just screwing with you. Still, you spit it out, quite a bit louder this time.

"It's Myeloma, idiot! Multiple Myeloma! Blood cancer!" You hate that you can talk about this lightly, as if it weren't a big deal. It is.

"Oh...well I hope you get better!"

"Yeah, you too..." you offer, not really sure what else you could say in a situation like this.

Terezi invites herself to sit on the edge of your bed, her IV pole moving with her. "So, what's your favorite movie?"

Oh boy. The interrogation begins...as does a strange friendship (could you even call it that yet?) with the girl.

"You'll just laugh at me," you tell her grumpily.

"Aww, c'mon! Mine is 'Brave'!"

You shrug at her. "I don't really have a favorite, but I like stories about love," you finally admit. The two of you continue conversing, sort of bantering on here and there, and you think that you might actually be able to get along with her.

You weren't sure how you were going to survive in this place with Terezi for however long you were supposed to. How long were they expecting you to live anyways? You knew cancer was deadly. You knew you wouldn't quite get a full life because of it, even if you were 'cured'. You knew this. You weren't stupid. You wanted to survive, you wanted to beat this, you really did. You wanted it to be possible. You wanted to fight. You would fight. You promised yourself you would, for your mom on the day they diagnosed you, just a week ago. You were going to fight, and you just  _had_  to win. For your mom.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back with Chapter Two! :D Sorry if it's really medical-y. I had to do a lot of background research for this, did you know that? Still. No regrets.
> 
> At this point, there's still no warnings that apply so no triggering shit. Just Karkat complaining about his doctor ;)

"Okay then, my favorite color is red!" Terezi answers your inquiry of her favorite color. She's been sitting with you on your bed for a good hour now, just talking. The nurses came in a few times to check on you, and approved how well you two seemed to be getting along at first. It was definitely a good thing.

You stick your tongue out to her answer. You don't much like the color red. Mostly because of your eyes, and the fact that your blood, the very thing that was poisoning you right now, happened to be red.

"What's yours then?" Terezi asks, obviously sensing your distaste.

"I don't really know. Not red though," you answer.

"Why not red?"

"Because red is-" you're going to say stupid, but you don't really want to insult Terezi.

"Stupid?" she finishes for you. You raise your eyebrows in surprise. What is she, a mind reader? "Why do you think it's stupid?"

You grumble, not answering. You don't  _want_  to answer.

"Blue then. My favorite color is blue," you spit out the first color that comes to mind that  _isn't_  red. Terezi frowns.

"Liar."

You're about to retort, but a nurse comes in again.

"C'mon, Miss Pyrope. It's time for your treatment session," she says, gently grabbing Terezi by her arm. Terezi makes a face of distaste.

"But I don't  _want_  to! I'm almost all better anyways!" she protests, standing and placing her hands on her hips.

"But you  _aren't_  completely better yet, which means you still need treatment. Do you want it to get worse?" the nurse retorts. Terezi shakes her head, but continues to pout. You can tell that this is a daily struggle, with the way the nurse seems rehearsed, yet tired, as if she's given the same speech to Terezi each day. She probably has.

"Well then that settles that. You're going. Oh, and Mister Vantas?" the nurse turns to you. You read her name tag. Stacey.

"What?" you ask, glaring at her for no apparent reason.

"Your doctor should be in here soon. She's going to inform you a little more of your..er.. _condition_ , and tell you a few options for treatment. Of course, your treatment may not start until tomorrow or the day after, seeing as it must be discussed further with your father."

"I know that! My dad will be here when he gets off of work,  _Stacey_ ," you snap. You didn't  _want_  to talk about your 'condition' with a stupid prick who thinks she knows everything. She's going to treat you like a little kid, and you know it. You aren't a little kid.

Stacey frowns at you, sighing. She takes a deep breath with her eyes closed before responding to you. "Okay then, good. Your doctor will be able to discuss your condition with your father, and your treatment will start sooner. We want nothing but to get you back to full health, Mister Vantas. We are here to help."

"Yeah, whatever," you reply, turning away from her and crossing your arms.

"See ya later, Karkat!" Terezi calls to you with a wave, and soon she and Stacey are gone. You sigh loudly, getting out the book you were currently reading,  _Looking for Alaska_ , by John Green. Sure, it was a little above your age level, but you could handle it. You are left in peace to read it for about a half hour before your doctor promptly interrupts you.

"Hello, Karkat, is it?" she asks, walking in. You nod, and she sticks out her hand to shake yours as she introduces herself. "Ah, hello there! I'm Doctor Harley, but you can call me Jade, of course! No need to be so formal!" She seems cheery, too much for your taste. You pointedly ignore her hand, which she withdraws eventually. She doesn't seem to be all that affected by your blatant rudeness though.

You set your book to the side as she begins talking, showing you a chart she brought with her.

"Alright, time to get down to the serious stuff! You see here, we've found your Multiple Myeloma in two places. Your left pelvis and femur," she points to said bones on her skeletal chart.

"It could spread of course, which is why we need to get to treatment right away, to keep it from spreading! Generally, your type of cancer can be treated until it goes away, but there's a high chance it will come back in most cases. Which is why we've got top of the notch treatment, so you can have minimal risk of it returning once you've been cured!"

Jesus Christ, she just doesn't know when to stop talking. You decide to interrupt her.

"Okay, just get on with it. What are the stupid treatments?"

"Well, your case right now isn't at a really advanced level. Right now, we don't think a transplant is needed, and depending on whether the medication I'm about to mention works or not, you may or may not need chemotherapy. I must talk to your dad about it, but you'll probably be put on melphalan and prednisone as well as Velcade. We call this treatment MPV. We think this may work since your kidneys haven't been much affected by your disease yet, and your infected bones are still in good condition."

You nod along, doing your best to pay attention this time around. This was serious, after all.

"We would like to do a brief examination of you here though before we make any final decisions. We'll need to do MRI and CT scans, and probably run you through a physical as well. This is mostly because we need to confirm exactly how fast the cancer cells are reproducing and how it can affect you in the next couple of months. If you wouldn't mind, we should get the physical done now," Jade tells you. You nod, standing up out of your bed.

"Alright then, come with me. This won't take long."

You follow her out of your room and down the hall, dragging your IV pole along with you. You don't know why you need it. All it's doing is giving you a few vitamins and such until the hospital puts you on real drugs.

Jade leads you into what looks like a normal examination room. She grabs a clipboard off her desk, and points at the examination table.

"Up up!" she tells you. You comply, albeit grumpily.

"I'll need you to take off your sweater," she tells you. You hadn't been put into a hospital gown. Terezi hadn't been in one either. You, because you just got here, her because she's obviously been here for a while, and it isn't necessary.

You almost obey that order, but you're attached to the IV, so you can't really take off your sweater. Jade notices, and quickly unclips you from it. You take of your sweater, and she then reattaches the IV to you.

"Sorry about that!" she giggles. How the heck does she even have a medical degree?

Jade makes you do a few breathing exercises while she listens, and then she feels around your back, obviously your kidneys and asks for numbers on a pain scale. It hurts of course when she presses, but not that much, so you answer with a 3.

"Okay then, I'll need a pain scale of your infected bones too. I want you to stay seated, but turn your body as far to the right as you can, and tell me the pain."

"Okay," you answer, and do so. Ouch, that hurt a little more than you expected. "Six." Jade nods, and makes you turn to the other side. That hurts a lot less. "Two."

"Alright. Now for you left leg. You need to trust me," she tells you. You visibly tense as she spreads your legs, wrapping her hands around your left thigh pretty high up. This makes you uncomfortable, but whatever. It's just a medical test.

"Okay, I'm going to press into your femur on the side we think it's infected on, and you need to tell me how much it hurts as opposed to the opposite side."

"Yeah yeah, okay," you answer, and wince as she presses in. "Ow...Seven." You try not to glare at Jade too much.

You tell her there's no pain at all when she presses the other side.

"Alright, good! The MRI and CT scans will still be necessary, but this gives me a better idea of how to go about your treatment. What time does your dad get off of work?" Jade asks you. You glance up at the clock, and do a mental check in your head.

"In about two hours," you answer her.

"Okay, good. I'll let you put your shirt on, and then you can go back to your room. Miss Pyrope may be back by then. I heard the two of you get along well!"

Jade deals with your IV again as you put your shirt back on, and you try not to blush. "Yeah, I guess. But it's not like I like her or anything. She's just...tolerable. She isn't even my friend," you tell her.

She laughs, shaking her head. "I'm sure that'll change. It's hard  _not_  to be her friend, Karkat. She's a nice girl."

"Whatever," you answer, sliding off the table and grabbing your IV.

"I'll see you in a few hours, Mister Vantas!" Jade tells you, and you don't bother replying, just leaving to return to your room. By the time you get there, you're tired, ready for a nap or something. You aren't a baby, just all this hospital crap is exhausting. You see the room is empty when you return. So Terezi  _isn't_  back from her treatment yet. Oh well. Now you could definitely get some sleep in.

You don't bother changing out of your jeans or anything, you just collapse on your bed. You aren't lying there for even five minutes before you drift off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thing is, I've had this chapter done for months, literally. But I don't have any of the fourth chapter done yet and I really didn't want to post this until I had the next chapter done, but I've already been making you all wait for so long for a chapter that's already done. And I think that's mildly ridiculous. So yeah, have this chapter, but keep in mind it could be quite awhile until I put up the next one. :/ Lame, I know, but whatever.

You aren't asleep for even an hour when Terezi arrives back at your room, cackling loudly.

"Hey Karkles, wake up wake up wake up!" She's bouncing lightly on your bed, and you pull your covers over your head. She pulls them back off.

"What the  _heck_  do you want?!" you snap at her, trying to burrow deeper into your bed and away from Terezi.

"I'm back! We should do something, Karkat!" the ginger scoots closer, hovering over you with a grin.

"Yeah, we should!" you tell her, feigning excitement that drops with your next statement. "And sleeping is the only  _sensible_  thing I can come up with."

"Aw, c'mon!" she whines, smacking you lightly on the head with her hand. "Don't be such a sour puss!"

"A sour puss? _Really_?" you ask, finally giving in and sitting up.

"Well you're no fun!"

"That's not true!" you retort. "We just...have different ideas of fun! And yours are absurd!"

Terezi gives you a pretty strong shove to the shoulder. "Don't be such a jerk!"

"What do you want to do anyways?"

"I don't know. I was thinking we could watch a movie or play a game or something," she tells you. You perk up at the mention of movies. You seriously  _love_ romcoms. You can't really say why, you just know you do.

"Fine, whatever. Let's watch a movie."

20 minutes later, the two of you were completely engrossed in  _The Little Mermaid_. It was Terezi's idea to watch it. Well,  _you_  watched it,  _she_ listened. She informed you that she had seen this movie about a million times before she went blind, so she knew what everything looked like anyways. You had never actually seen it, despite it being quite popular, so you shushed her, albeit half-heartedly.

Time seemed to go by really fast as you were watching, and you could feel Terezi play with your hair as she listened. You couldn't bring yourself to care very much, the movie seeming to be more important.

As the falling action played out, Terezi questions, "What do you look like?"

You stiffene, pressing your lips in a fine line. "What do you mean?

"What color is your hair and eyes and skin and stuff? I already know you're pretty short, but I need more details to get a decent mental image," the ginger girl tells you. You sigh, deciding to indulge her. She would pull it out of you anyways, one way or another, you knew.

"My skin is pale, light. I have freckles. Not too many though, just some on my nose and neck and arms. Probably my back too, or at least that's what everyone tells me," you inform Pyrope. "I sunburn easily, so I don't go outside much. My friends and I always play inside. Or played, I guess. The doctors make it sound as if I'm going to be staying here for a long time."

Terezi giggles, but it doesn't sound very happy. "Hate to break it to you, Karkles, but you  _will_  be here for awhile. I've been here for...wow, I really don't know how long. Months. Maybe even a year. I stopped caring, I guess."

Silence between the two of you carries out as the ending of the movie plays in the background. You let it carry on until the ending credits roll, when Terezi speaks up, "So, what does the rest of you look like?"

"I have white hair," you tell her, deciding that you shouldn't keep any secrets. It would be pointless, especially if she ever gets her sight back. "Red eyes."

"Red?" she questions, tilting her head to the side.

"Well, it's more of a reddish brown I guess."

"I could smell it anyways," she says. You roll your eyes at her, about to reply when someone taps on the door. The two of you turn to see who it is, (in Terezi's case, smell), and it's no one you recognize. But apparently Terezi does, as she jumps up from the bed, almost pummeling the boy in the doorway.

"Sollux! You're here!"

"Yes, I'm here. I told you I would visit," Sollux replies. The first thing you notice about him is his lisp. It's not too heavy of one, but it's still there. The next few things you notice are his fluffy brown hair, fair skin, and his height. He's at least 5 inches taller than you. He's also wearing 3D glasses, and even from here, you can see that one eye of his is blue, and the other is brown. You find this peculiar, but you're no better, so you don't question it.

Sollux soon pries Terezi off of him, turning to you.

"Who's this?" he asks. Terezi quickly answers for you.

"Oh, that's Karkat! He's going to be staying here with me. We just got done watching The Little Mermaid."

"Oh god," Sollux mutters, rolling his yes. "You actually agreed to that?" he asks you. You scowl and cross your arms, but nod.

"Yes. It isn't a bad movie, matter of fact. I happen to enjoy it."

The brown haired boy hums in return, walking Terezi to her bed. "You ready for me to read?" he questions. Terezi nods eagerly, getting comfortable on her bed. He sits down in the chair next to it. You feel awkward just watching, so you thank the Heavens when your dad arrives just then with Jade.

"Ah," Jade starts upon seeing Terezi and Sollux. "I see you have Sollux here! It's so good to see your friends visiting you!" she tells Terezi, who nods in response. Jade then turns to you, and gestures to your father.

"We can all take this to another room, perhaps my office? Sollux doesn't visit often, we shouldn't really interrupt."

You nod, relieved. From the way everyone makes it sound, it's like those two are a... _thing._  "Okay."

And with that, the three of you set off to Jade's office.

* * *

Sollux settles down as soon as Karkat and his parade leave, but you speak up before he can start reading.

"I've missed you all," you tell Sollux. He's your best friend, and he's also one of the only one's who has stuck around since you've been in the hospital. He's the only one who hasn't teased you  _at all_  for your blindness, and the way you used to stumble. Sollux nods at you, you can tell by the way his jacket makes noise. He gets up, sitting next to you, and you feel his arms around you. You lean into his embrace.

"We know, TZ. We've missed you too," he replies, but you know not everyone has missed you. Vriska, namely. She used to be a really good friend of yours, but she began shunning you as you got sick, thus losing the friendship you had. You don't bring it up, though.

"They don't know if there's a cure for me," you say solemnly. Sollux strokes your hair in comfort, mumbling,

"They'll find one. They're smart guys, you'll get better."

"I hope so."

A pause.

"How's new kid treating you?"

You let a small smile show. "He's cool. He likes movies and love stories and he's unique. Like you. I think you should be friends with him too."

Sollux laughs lightly. "He's kind of a jerk, don't you think?"

"That's just him. He really doesn't mean it."

"And you know this after one day?"

You sigh. "I just know, Sollux. He's a good guy."

"If you say so."

Sollux opens the book, turning to the page you left off on.

"Sollux."

"Yeah?"

"Be nice to him. He's not going to replace you and you know that," you feel the need to tell Sollux. He has attachment issues.

"Yeah, yeah. Can we read now? You know we only get an hour a week."

"Yeah, let's read."

And with that, you let yourself get lost in Sollux's soothing voice, and the words of the story. Time flies by, and you barely notice when Karkat enters. He politely keeps to himself, keeping quiet, and you think he's put in headphones and is listening to music. Your more sensitive ears can pick up the sound even from where you're sitting. Sollux seems to still be a bit tense with him around. You put your hand on his arm, tracing patterns on his skin, and that seems to get him to relax as he's reading. You smile to yourself, but you're sure Sollux could see it if he looked over anyways.

By the time the nurses kick Sollux out, you know it's been well over an hour. You were able to read 5 chapters with him.

"Bye, TZ. I'll see you next week," Sollux gives his farewell. You hug him goodbye, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"You'd better! I promise I won't read without you!" Like you could if you wanted anyways. It's the sentiment that counts.

Sollux hums in reply, and you hear him leave. Not thirty seconds later, Karkat and you are alone, and the white-haired boy immediately pounces on you. Not literally, verbally. With questions.

"Sollux, huh?" he asks.

"Yeah. I told him you guys should be friends!"

Karkat scoffs, "Yeah, right. Not even in my worst nightmare."

"You don't even know him! He's a really cool guy," you defend your best friend.

"Right. Is he your...?" Karkat pauses, and you're not sure what he means.

"My what?"

Karkat hesitates yet again before asking, "Is Sollux your boyfriend?"

You laugh out loud. "Oh, God no! He's just my best friend. We've been practically inseparable since birth," you gloat to Karkat. You're not sure why you're gloating, but you know Sollux's friendship means a lot to you.

"Oh," Karkat's reply is short and small, and if you aren't mistaken, you're sure he's a bit relieved. You brush that off though. You suppose he's only relieved because he doesn't want a bunch of saps sharing a room with him. That makes sense. "Good to know." he adds.

Another nurse walks in then, a new one for the night shift. You haven't met her. You don't quite catch her name, because she doesn't tell you. She seems to be switching out yours and Karkat's IV's, and she tells you that dinner will be up in about 15 minutes.

"Sounds cool," you say. Karkat replies with, "Whatever."

Yeah, you think you two can get along just fine. Now if only Sollux and Karkat could too...

**Author's Note:**

> And that's the end of that! Comment and tell me what you guys think! New chapter coming in a week or two, I dunno.


End file.
